PND and the death of a baby

I was one of those that fell through the mental health hole.

PND and the death of a baby

My son died shortly after birth. I had gone downhill mentally very badly. During my pregnancy, I was with women's health and pregnancy mental health.  Only 3 weeks after having my son I was not entitled to any more mental health help because I was no longer pregnant nor did I have a baby. A few days later I was discharged and left alone.

I called for help everywhere and no one listened. For months I became a full-time cutter, I stopped eating, I couldn't move from the bed, I started planning my death. Finally, when someone helped, they placed me in respite care.  After 2 days the doctor said they couldn't help because they don't deal with grief, they deal with people who are mentally unwell, even though I was having blackouts and my cutting was getting worse. I had to go home.

Before I left I had told the nurses I was scared to go home because I didn't want to die. I cried for help and no one was helping me. I was one of those that fell through the mental health hole.

I was sent home at 2 pm.  I was a wreck, I was alone,  I went to the darkest place of my life and woke up later that night in a hospital bed. I attempted to end my life and it was just by chance my partner had come home earlier that day or else I would have been dead by now.

The mental health system in NZ is horrible and something needs to be done. I still have nightmares to this day of what I had to suffer. Seeing the video you all posted made me cry. I may have not suffered at the hand of abuse but I know how hard it is having PND, mental health issues after having a baby and feeling like death is the only option. 

Today I  am a mum of 5 and I'm blessed to still be on this earth with my children. Not everyone gets to live through what I did due to not being listened to or helped. It's heartbreaking. Thank you for your video.

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